Friday, December 28, 2012

Blogging hazards

 pears watermark for blog  When in doubt, add an artsy photo. 
Photo by Xenonlit

Danger lurks in the back alleys of the vast digital metroplex we call the internet. Social anacondas slither around with their web bots and their canned code. To them, we bloggers are nothing but small literary rodents, ripe for the slimy, gaping maws of plagiarizers, schemers, high school English teachers and trolls.

We start out believing that decent people will recognize our wit and skill. The reality is that blogging is a bloody beast that will suck us up and chew our bones if we do not exercise care.

Blogging sites are the least private place in the known universe. 

Oh come on! Aliens in outer space have been reading our stuff and poking through our overstuffed profile pages. They planned to come after us this weekend for mocking them, but Gorlock the Destroyer had to move out of his apartment by Saturday. The landlord threatened to keep his deposit.

Online readers consume our priceless brilliance with the attention spans of infant gnats. They like an infusion of plain language that goes directly into their bloodstreams. This has nothing to do with reading. It is all about content consumption.

This means that online content must be clean and well edited before we flush it out into the web.

There is no going back. A blog is a thing that lasts forever.

Blogging is literary Styrofoam. Blogging is not biodegradable. It will stay available until the end of time, floating around and around at the top of the bowl. Our blogs will rise to the top no matter how many times we try to flush them down.

Hey... you go reach down in there to get it out! I'm not going to do it! 

Blogging is like the plot of a "Dr. Who" rerun. If you write a blog, it will take on a life of its own. It will sit there forever, glaring at you and breathing loudly. It will appear every time you Google yourself.

Bloggers create the equivalent bulk of a hundred million ethnic food takeout containers a day, so think of the web as a gargantuan vessel, full of living, breathing, immortal creatures that were created and set free... by us! 

 Photo by Xenonlit copyright 2012, all rights reserved

The audience is the real threat to a blogger. This is why we should never see or know our audience.

Here are two recommendations: Compartmentalize your audience and stay ignorant about your audience.

Never tell your loved ones, co-workers or close friends that you blog. Yes, they will show up in big numbers... once. After that, they only return for fresh ammunition to lob at our heads. 

We must compartmentalize when we publicize our blog. One day we might be compelled to write about our own Addams family values. It is not safe to write that stuff while Uncle Fester and Pubert are reading it, now is it?

No! It is not safe for them know what we really think of them. How will they behave when they know it?

Keep your source people away from your blog or the police will come around to ask why you left so much blood behind when you disappeared. 

This wisdom also applies to co-workers and employers. They are not like us at all. They will never understand why we need a thesaurus to describe a graphic sex scene. Those people only have a few words for describing their own sex lives, so how are they going to read our scenes?

They will not understand what we meant when we wrote the story about Quahog Clams who get exposed to Fukishima radiation, become super intelligent, and take over the world

They are certain to miss the hidden meaning

The boss will not be happy to know that he is the model for the juvenile, sadistic King of the Super Quahogs. 

Your work relationships will never be the same if you allow known people see your blog. 

The blank page is a seductive lure. Beware the critics.

Be ready for your audience. All of three of them will read, but they will never comment. They are the phantom people. They lurk during their lunch hours. They use their sporks to eat from deli containers of macaroni salad while they read. We never know when or how they come and go.

If you are attacked by a critic, go back and change the offending blog as soon as you can. Do this quickly so you can claim that your tormenters is delusional!  

Photo by Xenonlit, copyright 2012, all rights reserved

English teachers and editors are more dangerous than the buttery pancake photo we use when we are too lazy to find a more relevant photo. 

We think that editors will discover us and lead us to the land of milk and honey. No, they will not do so. They will huddle with their buddies, misusing our error riddled work for their personal entertainment. Otherwise, they will intimidate and discourage new writers of all ages by pointing out our errors! 

They will ruin us if we let them! Attica! Revolt! 

Tell the editors and critics about the new world of web optimized grammar and spelling. We the bloggers of the world do not need their stinking commas and tildes unless they lift, separate and make our stuff bouncy and perky. Otherwise those punctuation marks distract the eye and the reader! A distracted reader is a reader who has already moved to another web page! 

Tell those editors to get with the times.

We must control the urge to  publish SEO laden celebrity opinions and news just to make a load of money and gain loyal audiences.  

What happens when you do that?

You become Perez Hilton! That's what happens!

Do you really want to be Perez Hilton? Think hard about that, no matter how much it hurts! Avoid celebrity gossip and news even when Google trends screams at you to write about it!

Bloggers mistakenly expect to gain an audience that will grow exponentially

Sorry. Blogs can only do basic math! A blog audience can only grow through arithmetic, one half to one quarter of a reader at a time!

Don't worry. Let Perez Hilton keep the fame, shiny fabrics and fortune. We bloggers are the real deal. So what if we have no clue about search engine optimization? 

We are here and we are legion. Our sheer numbers will feed the word gluttons. Our insights will be here for all to discover. Our word spills will pollute the web forever!

But we will be careful.

Saturday, December 22, 2012

What do you mean, writing is not a real job?

 See the quarter to the left? This is a real working machine! Photo by Xenonlit

Writing is too a real job! 

If the speaker is trying to bully, to control, or to pick a fight, it will not help to describe the reasons why writing is work. If the speaker means to say that writing is sedentary work, not good, hearty labor, then it's still wrong to insult a person's trade or profession. Writing is as strenuous an activity as it can be. It simply works different parts of the body, especially the brain and the fingers that must grab and handle Cheetos without getting cheese dust in the computer keyboard.

Writing requires certain skills

Writing requires certain skills, practice, experience, discipline, time and training. Most insulting people will suddenly yell "Oooh shiny!" and then run off to torment a doctor. If the person lingers, try to explain how many hours it takes to get the required skills. 

Otherwise, just be glad when the creep leaves to find someone else to irritate. Maybe it will be a doctor or ambulance driver who will, one day, get the rude person's dosage wrong or remove the wrong body part.

Writing does too pay!

Try grossly inflating the salaries for various types of writers. Boast about ridiculous  incomes. This might help to enlighten the money grubbing attacker.  The idea of making money might snap a roomful of idiots out of their negative trance. Maybe they will walk away and pretend that nothing ever happened. Maybe they will cry. The best part is  when the insulting buffoon doesn't know that you are lying!

Writing is too exciting!

Talk about the exciting aspects of writing, such as world travel, meeting celebrities, having plenty of sex, eating gourmet food or getting close to the world's great thinkers. 

If you are any kind of writer, you have read the supermarket tabloid stories about other writers who have these things. Your education and ability to make up fiction will help you to impress a snob, a storage auction expert or a reality TV watcher.

The insulting person is a lizard. Become the other lizard.

The greatest insult is to dismiss an entire career field or profession with juvenile, hostile or negative words. This is lizard brain behavior, not intellectual or social behavior. 

This means you are dealing with a reptile, not a human being. YOu have been played by a lifeform that only cares about getting raw, still warm meat to chew on. Don't be the meat. Be the carnivore.

As writers, we must admit that we are a nerdy, flabby source of just the kind of protein that lizard people seek! However, when we become the lizard, we must show that we can bite back! Suck in the gut and stretch your spine to make yourself appear larger. Hiss and growl in a menacing way. Then you may go to work.

 Photo by Xenonlit

Respond with insults, not violence.

We are wordsmiths, for goodness sake! What good are we if we cannot use our words to peel off a person's excess layers of self esteem like we work an orange? You know... the kind with the really thick rinds... not the thin ones? Those are hard to peel.

Words kick ass when properly applied. It can take days for the best words to take effect in the slow or dim mind. Do not worry. Time release insults are the most powerful insults in your arsenal. Make that lizard wake up three days later, with a cold sweat and an epiphany!

In summary, use your words to home-correct those who are congenitally unimpressed with your profession or avocation. As a bonus, here are some great examples, but you must improve and modify them to fit your needs. You can do this because you are what? 

You are a finely honed writing machine! So work it like a Maserati!

 "I'd like to see things from your point of view, but I can't get my head that far up my ass.."

 "I don't argue with idiots, they will just lower me to their level then beat me with experience"

 "Please tell me you don't home-school your kids"

 "You have delusions of adequacy." --- Walter Kerr

 "You occasionally stumble over the truth, but you quickly pick yourself up and carry on as if nothing happened."

"Well I could agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong."

 "Some people bring happiness wherever they go; you bring happiness whenever you go."

 "Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you`d had enough oxygen at birth?"

"I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit?"

 "I don`t think you are a fool. But then what`s MY opinion against thousands of others?"

 "I know you are nobody`s fool but maybe someone will adopt you."

 "I`m busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?"

 "Cancel my subscriptions ... I'm tired of your issues."

 "I'm sorry, Talking to you seems as appealing as playing leapfrog with unicorns."

Sources: If you don't like any of the above, try this insult laden site.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

The end of the world? Are people out of their minds?

People are out of their minds these days. Since word got out that the Mayans had some super predictive abilities and an overwrought calendar, the hordes have been planning for the end of the world. Procrastinating humans who have not yet made their tinfoil helmets are faking it. They hide their subconscious jitters about the end of the world.

The celestial debauchery is supposed to happen today, December 21, 2012, but Karma is holding off on any definite timing. This is terrible for the crazed lunatic who wants to plan ahead! How does an end-of-the-world party host order cakes, pizza, booze, costumes and volcanic looking lights if there is no definite time or date to work with?


The vast majority of humans have been rolling their eyes, forwarding the best jokes, and finding excuses to party like it is 1999.  

There is only one end of the world joke on Twitter today. It is this:

"People are making end of the world jokes like there is no tomorrow."   

If you do find some real end of the world jokes, do add them to the comments, please.

A good number of people have been inventorying nature's toolkit for apocalyzing us all into oblivion. Too many people plan to get drunk, to get naked and to try to be somebody before they wake up in jail. 

Far too many people are just out of their minds. Worried folk are calling NASA with serious concerns about the demise of the planet and all who dwell upon its surface. Seriously, the UK Independent reports that the National Aeronautical Space Administration has been flooded with 200 to 300 phone inquiries about the Mayan predictions every day. The NASA website that is devoted to debunking the intellectual buggery is swamped with up to 4.6 million views.

   The whole mythical mashup started with this, According to NASA, and yes, this blog will send even more visitors to the website,

"The story started with claims that Nibiru, a supposed planet discovered by the Sumerians, is headed toward Earth. This catastrophe was initially predicted for May 2003, but when nothing happened the doomsday date was moved forward to December 2012 and linked to the end of one of the cycles in the ancient Mayan calendar at the winter solstice in 2012 -- hence the predicted doomsday date of December 21, 2012," 


Well hell. I happen to know that Nibiru isn't coming. No one wanted to drive all the way to Earth.  

The reality is that the Mayans could not even predict their own demise. What a crew they were. They actually planned for the Earth to stick around for up to one octillion years. 

An Octillion? That sounds like a Republican war budget. That sounds like the Koch Bros "Buy America" program! That number is a few pennies less than my monthly cable bill!

So let's get real before we start missing deadlines, the boss replaces everyone with hard working immigrants and the car runs out of gas on the freeway. Celebrate a much better happening. Wait in joyful anticipation of a wonderful gift. Ditch the material and embrace the ethereal. 

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. 

Here is the NASA debunker video.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Corporate Personhood: The source of imperial democracy


Corporate Personhood was sold to the American public

Corporate personhood was sold to the American public as a great advancement for our capitalist system. The poor, weak corporations were unhappy because they could be sued, but they could not defend themselves as people could do. Since the late 1800s, the movement toward corporate power started in the late 1800s with the corporation obtaining the same free speech rights as a human being who is a citizen of the United States.

This principle was called "The corporation as a person" or "Corporate personhood".

The problem is that the corporation as a person needs to be tried, convicted, executed and never allowed to exist in the future.

Corporations as persons are destroying American democracy with no benefit accruing to the American people. In the worst way, the will of the people is now subordinate to the will of the corporation. Our elected officials brazenly carry out the will of the corporation and ignore the will of those who elected them.

Our nation's treasure, the power of the electorate, our lives and our national direction is all diverted to benefit the Gordon Gekkos of America and the world.

While most of us were watching the film "Wall Street" as if the story was a geeky, white collar version of "Scarface", the greediest among us were watching as if the film as if it  were "The Greatest Story Ever Told."
Greed without remorse became the golden rule. Perverting our markets became a moral imperative. Destroying our workplaces, industries, courts and congresses became the New Testament of the corporation and the law of the land.

Looting our economy and distributing our nation's treasure unto themselves is now the holy mission of almost every corporate entity in the nation, including many of the not-for-profit corporations. The locusts have cut down whole fields of customer service and product quality. The beasts gave away jobs that American's invented and refined. The four horsemen skimmed income and handed it to those who were connected to power. The horns sounded while fiscal and political hedonists partied and broke the law with impunity.

The corporations did not become people. The corporations became monsters.

The corporation as a person is a psychopath who is now armed with enough power, influence, rights and privileges to override the will of human beings who are entitled to express their will until they can no longer speak for themselves.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

The imperial nature of our democracy


 A protester at Occupy Sacramento, 2011 Photo by xenonlit





1 [im-peer-ee-uh l]  
1. of, like, or pertaining to an empire
2.of, like, or pertaining to an emperor or empress.
3.characterizing the rule or authority of a sovereign state over its dependencies.
4.of the nature or rank of an emperor or supreme ruler.
5.of a commanding quality, manner, aspect, etc. [1]


Imperial rule has arrived to change the government of the United States. The nature, authority, power and rank of supreme rulers, even in a Democracy, can become so insular and so self generating that the government ceases to answer to the will of the people. Governments are quite capable of acting against the best interests of the people and with such arrogance and impunity that outrage is the only acceptable response.

On election day, America came too close to being led by an individual who refused to state a stable, clear position on any matter of importance. He made utterances and stated positions in private that he would never say in public. When caught on video, he failed to account for himself. In fact, he refused to account for the human face of self contradiction that he had become.

Fortunately, he did not become the leader of the most powerful democracy in the world. But do we even have a democracy any more? The great institutions have fallen far. The not-so-great institutions are hanging by a thread. The deplorable institutions are enjoying more popularity than ever.

The Media Contribution

We have a news media that no longer is the arbiter of facts that the people need to know. Our media is now the arbiter of instructions that the industry's corporate overlords wants broadcast to the people. Our journalists widen their eyes, nod their heads, ask leading and biased questions, withhold, lie outright or cannot see the truth that is in front of them.

There are lies of commission, lies of omission and lies of imposition. Lies of imposition occur when we believes the lies that we are told and then pass them on as the truth. We, the people, are guilty of all three at one time or another.

The Tea Party wing of the Republican party got so much free advertising... or call it active cheerleading from FOX News and CNN, that the extreme right was able to take over our House of Representatives. CNN uttered the words "Tea Party" tens of thousands of time. Now that the damage is done, CNN rarely utters those words while attempting to operate through the loaded question and the sly rejoinder. FOX News has seen its best days.

Because no one is keeping them honest, the internet is the Radio Free America of journalism. The web is where information, lies, truth and polemic flows freely, as it should. When in doubt, change the search terms. A multitude of perspectives will flow forth, without any sly and biased "moderators" who pose as journalists while they guide the discussion into the crapper. 

Protesters at Occupy Sacramento, 2011
Photo by Xenonlit


The Imperial House of Representatives

The House of Representatives is
the headwaters of our law, which flows downward to our level. The lawmaker's intent must be known. The law must be enforceable, executable and constitutional. Crafting the law is the sole reason for representatives of districts in the fifty states to get their pay and to enjoy their perks.

No real law has happened since the Tea Party planted itself in the middle of our nation's business. 

Why are the Tea Party representatives not being charged with defrauding the taxpayers by doing nothing at their jobs? Because they, with the help of the media, the clown show of politics distracts and convinces an over empowered minority that our nation can run itself without government, taxes or law.* 

How is that working for us now? We will find out when someone calculates and exposes the fraud, waste and abuse of federal funds and public trust that came from the Tea Party's style of imperial rule. 

The majority Republican House of Representatives came to Washington with imperial rule as the only way of doing business. They sneer at the polls. Their racist, sexist, ignorant and extremist agendas are not acceptable to the people. They do not care. They became so drunk on their ill gotten power that they forgot about the cliff's edge of politics. The Tea Party is now so panicked and uncontrollable that many will run themselves over the edge without thinking. 

We will not follow them. We will be glad to see the end of imperial rule by blowhards and idiots who never had the qualifications or intent to govern a nation. Instead, they intended to rule from the weakest position a ruler can be in: as an extremist minority that must lie, cheat and steal to stay in power. 

Such power is always temporary because, while such worthless fakers may feel imperial for a while, they will inevitably be forced to kill and eat their own. 

The Imperial Senate

This entity does not exist at this time. It is a majority Democratic party Senate. Democratic Party senators are far more likely to think in terms of a nation that is neither red nor blue, but a million shades of red, purple, violet, lavender and white.

Yes, white. Here, the color white represents the vast number of Americans who cannot, will not and do not want to answer polls, sign petitions, speak up or vote. White is the absence of color. 

White is, in this sense, the absence of any presence in politics. "Politically White" Americans still contribute. They still have demands, needs, desires and opinions. Democratic representatives and Senators are far more responsive and intelligent in determining what those are. 

The will of the people lives through our elected representatives. If our representatives have the mindset that they are imperial rulers, then the will of the people is nonexistent.

In comparison, Imperial Republican senators live on three thin, flat, brittle planes of political existence: their personal benefit, their paymasters, and forcing or fooling the people into living with their decisions. 

They do not care about the will of the people. If the issue comes up, they will lie or ramble on about "silent majorities", founding fathers and "patriots". There is no silent majority any more, not with the internet. There are no patriots among the extremists and charismatic creeps who will violate every law, commit any treasonous act and toss out any constitutional principle in order to get what they can for themselves.

 Occupy Sacramento protesters, 2011 by Xenonlit

The Imperial People 

There is no political entity that can be called "the imperial people". The majority of eligible voters may elect representatives to rule in their best interests.They are not rulers in their own right and their ability to elect anyone is a fragile right. The people do not elect imperial rulers who are free of judicial or electoral review and judgment. Elected representatives may be recalled by the electorate. They may be tried in courts or run out of office. If they are found guilty of crimes, they can be stripped of their titles, rank, powers, privileges and benefits.  

This must be the nature of Democracy or there is no democracy at all. When the voters fall under the spell of incompetent, crooked and charismatic creeps who get into power and rule in imperial ways, they do so by  willingly give up their rights. Then, there is no democracy at all. 

When the voters are disenfranchised through crooked state level gerrymandering, legislative sleight-of-hand,  or illegal statute, there is no democracy at all. There is no longer a vast weight of an electorate that can bear down on people who are in office. There is no democracy at all.

In the U.S., the President is not elected by the people. The Electoral College does the choosing. When the College is tampered with at the state level or otherwise compromised, there is no democracy at all. 

There is no public collective that can be called "the will of the people" when the will of the people has no heft, no substance, no weight, no composition and no power.


Next time, pay attention to the tactics of the media, the tactics of the Republican party and the tactics of those shadowy extremist, corporate and unseen political powers that operate in America. They are still at work. The next major elections, in 2014, will tell us if anyone has learned anything. 2014 will tell us whether a new teacher is required. 

America does not need for that teacher to be the ultimate demise of our nation. America does not need to wake up and discover that there is no democracy at all.

*That is, law that is not written for us by the corporations, secretive right wing organizations, or  the Koch Brothers fake grassroots organizations.


Monday, December 10, 2012

Disability, pain, depression and the low maintenance life


 After a disabling condition sets in, life changes in unanticipated ways. Self identity, a feeling of no belonging in the world, bad behavior by others and feelings of helplessness set in. Disability can be temporary, long term, sudden or permanent after a long period of decline. Pain, depression and the low maintenance life are a part of the transition to disability. A survivor gets the best possible solution to each of these challenges.

Many times, we say "But you look so good!" when a person says that they have a serious medical condition or are in chronic pain. Such dismissive words make some disabled people feel good. However, dismissive statements can block critical information that a person has a serious medical condition.
Dismissive statements can be backhanded accusations of faking or or avoiding work. Friends and family can resent a disabled person who is no longer available to meet their wants and needs. In the end, the person is still disabled and capacities are still limited, no matter how "good" they look.

Many physical disabilities are hidden from view but they will kill us early anyway. Emotional problems that accompany physical disabilities carry a stigma that lingers long after the scars have healed and the person can return to a more active, but limited lifestyle. Pains are not visible. Life threatening internal conditions are not visible. It is scary to live in a world where people are tone deaf to a person's real condition, especially when the doctor is the one who is tone deaf.

Disability means transition from carrying the ball to having the ball carried. Sometimes it means playing the game of life without a ball. Income goes down. There is no way to pay for favorite entertainment and activities. A sick person must stop doing as much as they used to and to rest.
The person can no longer accommodate the demands of the world or of other people. The reverse happens. People need to understand and accommodate the disabled person.
It is especially hard for formerly active, in-control and independent people who need assistance or who must stop doing what they love to do. It is awful for a parent with children still at home. It is awful for a child who cares for an elderly parent.
It is not easy to redefine one's purpose and place in the world when a permanent disability makes work or getting around an impossibility.

Disability comes with instructions to rest, ask for help, get others to understand, and more. Carrying out those instructions is not an easy proposition, especially when a person was active and in control before the onset.

The Surgeon General has something to say about disability.

The good news is that life does not end with disability. New life begins with the change. Doors close, but new doors open and it becomes possible to live a life of freedom, new goals and even joy.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

The Ages of UC Davis, The Egg Head statues, and Redrum Burger Too

undefined    I had a plausible cover story when I set out to visit my Dad's Alma Mater, The University of California At Davis. My real and much less lofty goal was to visit a renowned and renamed local institution de cuisine: Redrum Burger. I was ready for a classic meal of burger, fries and a Coke, but I thought that a little culture would help to ease my guilt over what was sure to be over indulgence.

When my father was a student there, UC Davis was the state's premier agricultural institution, but it was nowhere near the monstrosity that it is now. I set a reasonable goal of finding some of the original structures and comparing them to the architecture that was added throughout the years.

Here, we have a look at the "Deathstar" building, which represents the latest in architectural nonsense. This shoebox of a wonder cannot be viewed all at one time, so each perspective gives a completely different memory of the beast.

Dubbed "The Deathstar" this silvery, metal clad wonder is the Social Sciences and Humanities Building. Students who have indulged in too much weekend and late night social science have been known to get up on the roof of that structure and do things that no sober person would do.

The design leads to thoughts of advanced bio engineering feats such as the creation of monkey-pig-bird people when that is not the case.

The last time I went to an Aggie picnic day, I went with my Dentist brother who could not get enough of science. A preserved dead body was a most popular exhibit, but not with me.

I had to call it quits and look at something else. That something else happened to be the Deathstar building, and that is how I came to admire yet fear and loathe that place, even though I have a degree in Sociology.
I went to Cal, which is not known for indulging in design or structural Frankenscience.

Still, UC Davis holds a special place in my heart, my childhood, and my future, and I will always be drawn to that place.

Sunday, December 2, 2012

The WackyRomneys: My pitch to Hollywood TV Producers


This is The WackyRomneys: My pitch to Hollywood TV Producers. Look... If  Hollywood had a speed Producer, this would be a hit comedy series on premium cable right now. Twitter would be brimming with thousands of identical tweets that say,

“I’m Watching the WackyRomneys! That show is cray cray!”

It is time to explore a family that became the political equivalent of “pants on the ground!”

Let me pitch this and make it easy for The Learning Channel:

The setting is a mansion in Utah. The mansion is home to a family of politicians known as “Those WackyRomneys”. The mansion itself is the narrator, and Samuel L. Jackson or Ted Nugent would be perfect for the voiceovers.

The mansion injects hilarious insults like:

 “Daddy has &*% Romnhoids!”

“Whoa! Mommy's just flipped me a bird... or was she picking her nose?"

"I put the ‘yotch’ in ‘Beyotch!’"

The show’s comedic treatment of serious political issues is as funny as a heart attack and as deadly as a silent fart. The audience will be rolling in their floors shortly before they die from ingesting unregulated Chinese snack foods.

Dad WackyRomney tries to find a job to do after he loses the election, but he never gets it right as he leaps from hilarious frying pans into gut busting fires on a daily basis. 

Did DaddyRomney really go to lunch with the President and demand 47% white milk? We have no proof of that, but like Daddy Romney's annoying neighbor, Johnny McCain, we can ask the question every week until people believe it!

Daddy Romney reminds us of classic characters portrayed by Dick Van Dyke and Chevy Chase. He causes the same shrill and uncomfortable laughter that we gave out when Ted Bundy and Charles Manson had their shows!

(What what? Oh! My bad. That was Al Bundy and "Charles in Charge"! 

Mom WackyRomney is a modern mom, not the pie baking sweetheart of old. She is the Alpha Beyotch who barks at her followers to “Stop it!” But when she goes on women’s talk shows, she is as sweet as shoofly pie. She makes Whoopi Goldberg shiver. That quirky gal does not show up in mirrors and she never has enough sunblock. She wants to be a vampire when she sobers grows up.

Son Taggy is a feisty little fellow. He writes checks with his mouth that he cannot cash with his fists.

In the opening episode, titled “50 Shades of Ofay”,  Taggy  wants to take a swing at the President, but he is treated to an anti bullying message from guest star Lawrence O’Donnell. In his Emmy award wining cameo, O’Donnell offers to slap the boy down like a bowl full of bread dough.

The second episode begins at the thirty foot long WackyRomney breakfast table. All of the servants are lined up against the wall. They came from Dad’s Binder Full of Women and they all wear ankle bracelets. One servant looks out the window and screams when she sees concertina wire, vicious attack dogs, a moat and secret service agents.

Mom WackyRomney yells, “Stop it, sweetie! That’s for your protection! We don’t want those unemployed people to break in and try to work here, now do we? We got the idea from the slave camp Daddy visited in China!”

"Sensata factory, anyone?"A giggling offspring asks. He holds up a bowl that is brimming with stock options.

Taggy brings up his latest idea. Last week, he bought all those shares in an electronic voting equipment firm so he could doctor the Ohio voting results, but schoolyard bully Anonymous ruined his plans! He yells,

“I’m going to help Daddy get a job! It’s all top secret right now, but I guarantee that Dad will be a shoo-in for that job at White House/Black Market!”  

All the other WackyRomney sons yell, “Let’s go to war! Give us more wars!” The youngest son yells, “I’m a Mormon missionary veteran! I’m one of the 47 percent, ha ha!”

This show is guaranteed to become a White comedy classic on the lines of “Hogan’s Heroes” or “M.A.S.H”! Hey! Hollywood made concentration camps and Army meatball field surgery funny, so why wouldn't today's audience go all bath salts crazy for "The WackyRomneys"!

"The Wacky Romneys" will drive Cable viewers so wild that they leave their homes, run into the streets and start eating faces! 

I guarantee that America will pee its flag draped pants when it watches the WackyRomneys!

Did I mention that the audience would go wild... oh I did? Well that’s just the Romnatic effect at work! Ha ha!

So, this is "The WackyRomneys: Hollywood TV Producers." Producers, leave me a little note in the comments! I even have a PayPal account!