This is The WackyRomneys: My pitch to Hollywood TV Producers. Look... If Hollywood had a speed Producer, this would be a hit comedy series on premium cable right now. Twitter would be brimming with thousands of identical tweets that say,
“I’m Watching the WackyRomneys! That show is cray cray!”
It is time to explore a family that became the political equivalent of “pants on the ground!”
Let me pitch this and make it easy for The Learning Channel:
The setting is a mansion in Utah. The mansion is home to a family of politicians known as “Those WackyRomneys”. The mansion itself is the narrator, and Samuel L. Jackson or Ted Nugent would be perfect for the voiceovers.
The mansion injects hilarious insults like:
“Daddy has &*% Romnhoids!”
“Whoa! Mommy's just flipped me a bird... or was she picking her nose?"
"I put the ‘yotch’ in ‘Beyotch!’"
The show’s comedic treatment of serious political issues is as funny as a heart attack and as deadly as a silent fart. The audience will be rolling in their floors shortly before they die from ingesting unregulated Chinese snack foods.
Dad WackyRomney tries to find a job to do after he loses the election, but he never gets it right as he leaps from hilarious frying pans into gut busting fires on a daily basis.
Did DaddyRomney really go to lunch with the President and demand 47% white milk? We have no proof of that, but like Daddy Romney's annoying neighbor, Johnny McCain, we can ask the question every week until people believe it!
Daddy Romney reminds us of classic characters portrayed by Dick Van Dyke and Chevy Chase. He causes the same shrill and uncomfortable laughter that we gave out when Ted Bundy and Charles Manson had their shows!
(What what? Oh! My bad. That was Al Bundy and "Charles in Charge"!
Mom WackyRomney is a modern mom, not the pie baking sweetheart of old. She is the Alpha Beyotch who barks at her followers to “Stop it!” But when she goes on women’s talk shows, she is as sweet as shoofly pie. She makes Whoopi Goldberg shiver. That quirky gal does not show up in mirrors and she never has enough sunblock. She wants to be a vampire when she
Son Taggy is a feisty little fellow. He writes checks with his mouth that he cannot cash with his fists.
In the opening episode, titled “50 Shades of Ofay”, Taggy wants to take a swing at the President, but he is treated to an anti bullying message from guest star Lawrence O’Donnell. In his Emmy award wining cameo, O’Donnell offers to slap the boy down like a bowl full of bread dough.
The second episode begins at the thirty foot long WackyRomney breakfast table. All of the servants are lined up against the wall. They came from Dad’s Binder Full of Women and they all wear ankle bracelets. One servant looks out the window and screams when she sees concertina wire, vicious attack dogs, a moat and secret service agents.
Mom WackyRomney yells, “Stop it, sweetie! That’s for your protection! We don’t want those unemployed people to break in and try to work here, now do we? We got the idea from the slave camp Daddy visited in China!”
"Sensata factory, anyone?"A giggling offspring asks. He holds up a bowl that is brimming with stock options.
Taggy brings up his latest idea. Last week, he bought all those shares in an electronic voting equipment firm so he could doctor the Ohio voting results, but schoolyard bully Anonymous ruined his plans! He yells,
“I’m going to help Daddy get a job! It’s all top secret right now, but I guarantee that Dad will be a shoo-in for that job at White House/Black Market!”
All the other WackyRomney sons yell, “Let’s go to war! Give us more wars!” The youngest son yells, “I’m a Mormon missionary veteran! I’m one of the 47 percent, ha ha!”
This show is guaranteed to become a White comedy classic on the lines of “Hogan’s Heroes” or “M.A.S.H”! Hey! Hollywood made concentration camps and Army meatball field surgery funny, so why wouldn't today's audience go all bath salts crazy for "The WackyRomneys"!
"The Wacky Romneys" will drive Cable viewers so wild that they leave their homes, run into the streets and start eating faces!
I guarantee that America will pee its flag draped pants when it watches the WackyRomneys!
Did I mention that the audience would go wild... oh I did? Well that’s just the Romnatic effect at work! Ha ha!
So, this is "The WackyRomneys: Hollywood TV Producers." Producers, leave me a little note in the comments! I even have a PayPal account!