Sunday, January 27, 2013

Internet reading is different reading: Part One

Photo by Xenonlit

Internet reading is different reading. A book reader picks up a physical object, reads the contents and put the book away when finished. Books pile up and gather dust until the asthma attacks force the reader to straighten up that mess.

Internet reading has led to a tidal wave of content that cannot be stopped. Click bait headlining has dragged us all into a thesaurus powered chaos of word anarchy. 

Internet readers do not click on words like "tidal wave of content". They click on words that have power, like:

A vortex of ultimate content
A Tardis of content
A Vampire/zombie hybrid invasion of undead content 

The only physical objects a book reader requires are light and a book. Every computer working zone requires tiny toys, writing instruments and paper (!), snack food drippings, and outrageous coffee cups.

Traditional readers get information in discrete and well focused packets. They interpret the static symbol and tiny image, injecting additional content from their own minds. Internet readers get Harry Potter newspapers. They get awful videos, cat antics, mind numbing graphics and grinding sound that overwhelms the senses. 

The only thing missing is "Smell-o-vision".

Internet readers have well developed attention deficits and Google brains. With ADD and Google Brain, it is easy to change focus with the click of a mouse. Internet readers are wildly digressive when investigating a subject because their research never leads them to a single topic of headline. 

Comment threads begin with a battle over the writer's thought processes, right to live, and moral fiber. They end with a rousing discussion about the merits and drawbacks of kale consumption. 

Wikipedia brain allows us to start with Henry VIII and end with some joker named Aldfrith. (He was a Northumbrian gang banger.) And where do Quantum Dots fit into all of this? Who cares? It's all good. No one has to leave their seat to grab a new book off a shelf!

Books and shelves...that sounds so funny.

Ooooh shiny! The new Bentley Betayga! Skimpy dresses we'll never fit into. Wait. Is that a cake or an aircraft carrier? 

Rejoice, internet reader. You have the universe before your eyes. You need not worry about staining a page, breaking a spine, or someone stealing a book from your ridiculous shelf hoards!

You need not worry about anything at all, because you can invoke the gift of attention deficit and click your troubles away! 


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