The internet is like a giant mall where everything is clean, pretty and shiny. However,
we can get lost. We can find ourselves at the bad backside of the mall. There
is no landscaping, food court or flooring. Mugs and surly smokers hang out back
there.
Warnings will never deter the bulging
population of people who use web-based services. This is because the computer
dealers offer too many new devices and features that make it much easier to get
into big, fat trouble all day and night. That is correct. Cheap Chinese
crap will be our downfall.
Check this out: I discovered that I was
already doing the best computer virus prevention! Where else but the internet
would I have found this advice from someone who has obviously been there...?
"Avoid Shady Web Sites – If you need to look at
porn, then make sure you do it in a virtual environment. You are DEFINITELY
going to get some virus or spyware if you browse porn sites on your computer.
Virtualization basically allows you to run programs like Internet Explorer in a
virtual environment that does not effect your current operating system. If you
want to find out more, search for “Virtual PC” or “VM Ware” in Google.
Otherwise, simply avoid going to shady web sites!"
Endless loops of downloads
Imagine the endless loops of downloads and
uploads that we do. They suck up enough googuls and pissitrinos to run Area 51.
Most of those uploads and downloads are full of garbage. We do not care. Our
computers are virtual landfills anyway. We have vast spaces with room for the
entire Library of Congress! Are you not impressed?
Who cares if a single "Angry Birds"
game will hog up all that room? Just use the skills you learned
in "Angry Birds" the next time you need to flip a bird with the right
aim and enough destructive force to bring down a three-story castle!
No one can argue with that. The web gives
power to the powerless.
We cannot let go of that attention deficit-creating
web. When we gaze at the latest Instragram snapshot atrocity, we suddenly start
to sing, "I'm a Hog for You, Baby. I can't get enough of your love."
We try to remember the rest of the lyrics. Within seconds, we are at YouTube,
searching for The Coasters...
Then we see the white person who thinks he
can teach us to play "I'm A Hog for You Baby" on an acoustic guitar.
We are compelled to click... We must hear it.
Online friends coax us into revealing our identity.
Humans need to see faces. Bathroom mirror
photos show how fine we look. It all makes sense, somehow. People all over the
world have unknowingly established deep human connections to other people
through bathroom mirror self-portraits.
People also go online and act a fool. They tell all their friends that they "like" Bella's Big Butt Jeans Company. I do not care about your big butt jeans and I do not care about Bella!
Holy Cow! Someone just "liked" the
Democratic Governor's Association! Bless you! Bless you!
I am fine with the idea of Democratic Governors, but why don't you ever "like" what I really like? What do I like? That is none of your business because all of my money is invested in non-severance financial instrument systems!*
The human genome is enriched by the
exchange of ideas and links to bits that others cannot find on their own.
The days grow richer. Knowledge grows
vast.
Wait times vary.
Whoa hey! Breaking news, I see...
"What was it that Elijah Prychodzko recorded through his telescope? What was it that
appeared to explode in space?"
Elijah is the new order of global journalism.
Only the web can allow the Elijah Prychodzkos of the world to be relevant for a
few minutes.
How else would I ever know anything about
Turkish drinks if I could not read my friend's posts? In addition, do not tell
me to go buy a book! You must be mad.
The cloak of anonymity is an unreliable
cloak made by trickster geek-elves.
Employers spy on bitter, muttering underlings
who hang out in the bad side of virtual town. Then they strike like the snakes.
They show no remorse or guilt when they announce their intrusive nosing around.
So what if you were redirected to the
"Playgirl" site when you were researching marketing opportunities in Burma?
It was a legitimate visit because something
that looked like a Burmese Python appeared and then the real research began...
We create scandalous permanent records
that make Downton Abbey look like "Leave it to Beaver".
The boss was wagging something that he should
only wag in the privacy of his home. The church lady was doing "Da Butt".
Kathy Griffin and Anderson Cooper got down to
their lowest low on New Years Eve. She was after his sardine? What sardine?
What? Does he carry a can of sardines down there where Kathy Griffin had her flattop
weave-head?
The Nigerians seem to be on hiatus. It has
been a while since I heard from any of that nation's royals and billionaires.
They had such interesting information and instructions for me to carry out.
I miss the thrill of high stakes
international scams.
Summary: You are stuck with the internet,
so make the best of it.
Yes, the internet is like a giant mall with a
big, fat backside. Our goal is to stay away from there and to right the lighter
side, where things good and true go on. Who cares if you have seen the Hubble
Photos a hundred times? Those photos build brain cells and they are wholesome
and healing. It does not matter that they are useless in the big scheme of
things.
It is not as if we want to buy a ticket to
any those places.
Avoid those shady websites, download and
upload those endless loops, use your unreliable cloak of anonymity and take
those decent bathroom mirror portraits.
It all scrolls down and is long forgotten
within minutes as the new stuff loads anyway.
*Non severance financial instrument
systems are web based places that accept my money. This activity prevents
eviction notices and having the cable cut off. These systems even allow a
person to leave the grocery with bags of food and cleaning supplies instead of
bitter tears of humiliation and hunger.
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