Monday, January 7, 2013

The internet is like a giant mall... with a bad backside


The internet is like a giant mall where everything is clean, pretty and shiny. However, we can get lost. We can find ourselves at the bad backside of the mall. There is no landscaping, food court or flooring. Mugs and surly smokers hang out back there.

Warnings will never deter the bulging population of people who use web-based services. This is because the computer dealers offer too many new devices and features that make it much easier to get into big, fat trouble all day and night.  That is correct. Cheap Chinese crap will be our downfall.

Check this out: I discovered that I was already doing the best computer virus prevention! Where else but the internet would I have found this advice from someone who has obviously been there...?

"Avoid Shady Web SitesIf you need to look at porn, then make sure you do it in a virtual environment. You are DEFINITELY going to get some virus or spyware if you browse porn sites on your computer. Virtualization basically allows you to run programs like Internet Explorer in a virtual environment that does not effect your current operating system. If you want to find out more, search for “Virtual PC” or “VM Ware” in Google. Otherwise, simply avoid going to shady web sites!"

 ARK or atmospheric river USGS

Endless loops of downloads 

Imagine the endless loops of downloads and uploads that we do. They suck up enough googuls and pissitrinos to run Area 51. Most of those uploads and downloads are full of garbage. We do not care. Our computers are virtual landfills anyway. We have vast spaces with room for the entire Library of Congress! Are you not impressed?

Who cares if a single "Angry Birds" game will hog up all that room? Just use the skills you learned in "Angry Birds" the next time you need to flip a bird with the right aim and enough destructive force to bring down a three-story castle!

No one can argue with that. The web gives power to the powerless.

We cannot let go of that attention deficit-creating web. When we gaze at the latest Instragram snapshot atrocity, we suddenly start to sing, "I'm a Hog for You, Baby. I can't get enough of your love." We try to remember the rest of the lyrics. Within seconds, we are at YouTube, searching for The Coasters...

Then we see the white person who thinks he can teach us to play "I'm A Hog for You Baby" on an acoustic guitar. We are compelled to click... We must hear it.

Online friends coax us into revealing our identity

Humans need to see faces. Bathroom mirror photos show how fine we look. It all makes sense, somehow. People all over the world have unknowingly established deep human connections to other people through bathroom mirror self-portraits. 

People also go online and act a fool. They tell all their friends that they "like" Bella's Big Butt Jeans Company. I do not care about your big butt jeans and I do not care about Bella! 

Holy Cow! Someone just "liked" the Democratic Governor's Association! Bless you! Bless you!

I am fine with the idea of Democratic Governors, but why don't you ever "like" what I really like? What do I like? That is none of your business because all of my money is invested in non-severance financial instrument systems!*

The human genome is enriched by the exchange of ideas and links to bits that others cannot find on their own. 

The days grow richer. Knowledge grows vast. 

Wait times vary.

Whoa hey! Breaking news, I see...  "What was it that Elijah Prychodzko recorded through his telescope?  What was it that appeared to explode in space?"
Elijah is the new order of global journalism. Only the web can allow the Elijah Prychodzkos of the world to be relevant for a few minutes.
How else would I ever know anything about Turkish drinks if I could not read my friend's posts? In addition, do not tell me to go buy a book! You must be mad. 

The cloak of anonymity is an unreliable cloak made by trickster geek-elves.

Employers spy on bitter, muttering underlings who hang out in the bad side of virtual town. Then they strike like the snakes. They show no remorse or guilt when they announce their intrusive nosing around.

So what if you were redirected to the "Playgirl" site when you were researching marketing opportunities in Burma?

It was a legitimate visit because something that looked like a Burmese Python appeared and then the real research began...

We create scandalous permanent records that make Downton Abbey look like "Leave it to Beaver"

The boss was wagging something that he should only wag in the privacy of his home. The church lady was doing "Da Butt". 

Kathy Griffin and Anderson Cooper got down to their lowest low on New Years Eve. She was after his sardine? What sardine? What? Does he carry a can of sardines down there where Kathy Griffin had her flattop weave-head? 

The Nigerians seem to be on hiatus. It has been a while since I heard from any of that nation's royals and billionaires. They had such interesting information and instructions for me to carry out.

I miss the thrill of high stakes international scams.


Summary: You are stuck with the internet, so make the best of it.

Yes, the internet is like a giant mall with a big, fat backside. Our goal is to stay away from there and to right the lighter side, where things good and true go on. Who cares if you have seen the Hubble Photos a hundred times? Those photos build brain cells and they are wholesome and healing. It does not matter that they are useless in the big scheme of things.

It is not as if we want to buy a ticket to any those places.

Avoid those shady websites, download and upload those endless loops, use your unreliable cloak of anonymity and take those decent bathroom mirror portraits. 

It all scrolls down and is long forgotten within minutes as the new stuff loads anyway.   

*Non severance financial instrument systems are web based places that accept my money. This activity prevents eviction notices and having the cable cut off. These systems even allow a person to leave the grocery with bags of food and cleaning supplies instead of bitter tears of humiliation and hunger.

No comments:

Post a Comment